Infamous Creepy “Free Candy” Van On Public Auction | SoMa Streat Food

Submitted by the Event Organizer

Want to own the infamous, creepy, international news making “Free Candy” van forever? This is your chance. It’s waaaay more than *just* a hilarious ride.

Here is what the creepy van’s owner has to say:

VIDEO INTRODUCTION
https://youtu.be/D6XMCiDOzjE
Here’s the introduction and explanation video from me, Ron, which briefly explains the whole story!

AUCTION DETAILS
Location: SoMa StrEat Food Park (428 11th St, San Francisco)
Date: Saturday 12th of March
Time: 11am – 1pm.
FB Event Page: https://www.facebook.com/events/1559397794379252/

After final sale, as the Winning Bidder, you’ll be required to pay a minimum deposit of $1,000USD and final/remaining payment is expected within one week (Saturday March 26th).

We’ll also be celebrating by champagne bottles, like legends, and there will be candy flying everywhere from the top of the van. It’s OK; the suspension can totally handle it. I’ve rigorously tested it 😀

INCLUDED WITH FREE CANDY
1. Website; www.freecandyislegit.com
2. Facebook; www.facebook.com/freecandyislegit
3. Twitter: freecandyslegit (we had to keep it <= 15 characters, hence no “i”)
4. Instagram: #freecandyislegit
5. Press Room: https://coveragebook.com/coverage_books/e1b6651b?fullscreen=true
6. The Federal trademark (if we achieve it. We’re pursuing it but it’s not certain at this stage)
7. Needless to say you also get the candy inside the van to distribute as you see fit
8. Super-comfy queen size bed
9. Blood-red linen (I hope you just cringed reading that),
10. A BIG blood-red Jambox (allows you to start the FREE CANDY party whenever and wherever you feel like it)
11. 2X BIG blood-red beanbag chairs (to sit in on top of the van whilst throwing a spontaneous FREE CANDY party for the general public),
12. Unicorn mask and hooves (for distributing FREE CANDY in – for pragmatic safety reasons, do not wear the unicorn mask whilst driving FREE CANDY),
13. Various American flags (to establish with the general public that you clearly agree with them on their understanding of freedom 😀 ) and a bunch of plush toys!

I’m renovating the cargo area of the FREE CANDY van to become hilarious, awe-inspiring and beautiful. It includes an internal paint job and the installation of some astronomical art. Don’t worry; it’ll still retain its trademark exterior 😀 I’m designing/expecting the internals to be a stunning (and hilarious, yet strangely impressive) contrast to the external paint job.
APPLICATIONS OF FREE CANDY
1) Entrepreneurial Start up Hub (I mean, it’s got chairs, internet, power and candy… Doesn’t that qualify it as a Start Up Hub??? :D)
2) FREE CANDY, complete with a big blood red jambox and buttloads of candy, is a spontaneous party with the general public, each and every time. But remember; with great power, comes great responsibility Potential New Owner…
3) Make property affordable again! Drop Property Prices in your Area by parking FREE CANDY out the front, take photos and share on real estate forums 😀
4) Make it *your* extreme sports adventure vehicle! It’s practically a bedroom on wheels! ☺
5) You’re a wild art collector who recognises the intangible value of the infamous performance piece of shock artwork.
6) You’re a business savvy tech wizard who sees the value in the website and viral craze as a platform to market to this particular audience, whatever that may be 😀 Or, if the website ends up getting enough traffic (thanks to the livestreaming cameras) then perhaps advertising revenue would be tantalising enough! 😀
7) Anything for anyone in the Haunted House “industry”! 😀 You guys love freaking people out as much as I do!
8) Another million or so ideas when you consider the international brand name inadvertently created, the virility, the still-actively-engaged-following (for *whatever* reason) and the outrageously fun things it’s going to get up to next, wherever it may go 😀

WANT TO BUY IT?? YAAAY!! BECOME A BIDDER!
Now if you do want to become a Bidder, that’s awesome, and you need to be aware of my 3 concerns:
1. It’s likely that we are going to become friends, thanks to the shared love of the van and the requisite sense of humour, so basically, *I* need *you* to be as legit, as we are. If you’re not, please don’t bother applying.
2. Can you actually pay the money? The Reserve is $4,000USD. If you can’t afford the van, I still wholeheartedly welcome your participation and interaction with this whole thing! It just means you’re not a Bidder – you’re here for the party and I completely understand and respect that. I really am doing this for your amusement too 😀 Come on down!!!
3. Don’t get upset with me, but I will need you to declare to me that you are not on any form of sex offender registry, etc. There’s *no* way that I (I’m actually a responsible engineer IRL) will let this art piece fall in to the hands of someone who actually was a shady character. It would ruin the entire thing for me. Friendly characters apply only please! 😀

So if you can manage to quell these three minor concerns of mine, then you’re an eligible bidder, and please do get in touch ASAP so I can meet you and start collaborating on this hilarious event ☺

And remember, right when I declare “Third and final time… SOLD!”, you are now the proud new owner of everything FREE CANDY is Legit! 😀 Enjoy the adventure friend 😉

Don’t worry; mechanically it is sound and there are no issues with fines, debt, or anything like that. It’s a 2007 Ford E-350 V8 that’s got about 200k miles and I’ve driven it all the way from LA to Burning Man, LA to Vegas and back and all over the place. It works well.

The *only* “deficiencies”; deliberately-left-smashed back-right-window and the side door only opens from the inside. Both issues are easily fixed cheaply, if you want to, but I prefer the window smashed and open to be honest.

I also hope that you do to go Burning Man this year! It is the thing’s home after all, I guess ☺

FREE CANDY’S PROMOTIONAL TOUR
For the two weeks leading up the auction, I’ll be all over San Francisco, handing out auction-flyers, candy and entertainment in general. My mission is to do all that I can to find the most appropriate next-home for my bizarre little baby.

So if you see me in SF, please come say hey! And if you’ve got any crazy ideas or events you want me or FREE CANDY for/at, I am *SO* down. SO. DOWN.

MURDER MYSTERY DINNER PARTY
So because I’m an Australian, I don’t have that many friends in San Francisco. But I really need them – this is where you might come in.

The evening of the Auction, for the few friends that I do have in SF, I’m hosting a Murder Mystery Dinner Party (it’s a thing that I do). And basically, if you’re a hilarious person that loves random adventure like I do, then get in touch and I’ll hook you up with an invite to the MMDP. There’s room for about 30 people. These things are always so much fun and I’d love to see what happens if I open the invite up to SF’s public… Should be interesting! 😀

For everyone’s sense of safety, I *will* be vetting any potential guests to make sure they rock, as you’d expect.

Here’s the FB invite for the MMDP ☺
https://www.facebook.com/events/574941396015434/

Lots of looooooove San Francisco!!! See you soon!

– Your Ronald (Playa name Ausome :D)
XO

Disclaimer: Please double check event information with the event organizer as events can be canceled, details can change after they are added to our calendar, and errors do occur.